5th of July 2017
I am Anna
A few years ago my friend Timo followed me around for a week and made a film about me. I didn’t know what to think about it and so we decided to let it rest for a while. I wasn’t sure people cared about my ordinary life. Why should they? I am nothing special. Why look at me for an hour and a half? So we put the film on a shelf and carried on with our lives.
Timo recently showed it to me again. Funny how much you can change in a couple of years, isn’t it?
During our timeout, Timo had asked the great composer David Holmes whether he might have some music we could use for the film. David sent Timo some pieces and said he could use whatever he wanted. What a legend. I feel like hugging him. Timo also approached the fabulous Minor Threat, one of my favorite bands. Speaking of legends… They also gave Timo a song. Fuck a duck!
Timo told me the film started showing at some festivals.
Oh my…I still don’t know whether I want people to see me like this. Film festivals are serious, aren’t they? I am just little me. Like I hope they don’t throw things at the screen at me for not giving them what they came for.
But I might need to get used to the idea of being judged. When Timo and his crew filmed me I wasn’t in a particular good place. I wasn’t quite sure what was going on around me. And where me and Benjamin, my boyfriend, were heading. . So I feel like I look like a tit up there. All alone on the big screen.
Timo says that that was why he wanted to follow me around. (And because I was stupid enough to let him I guess).
I was in such a state I didn’t notice him really I have to say. I really didn’t. Sometimes I wondered whether he was really there or whether I just imagined him watching me.
Timo sent me this letter but I never opened it. I wanted our experience to stay the way I remember it. But you can read it if you want. I don’t mind. I trust Timo.
One thing that people sometimes ask me about is why I fought so hard to stay with Benjamin. Fought for our relationship.
First of: Win or lose you need to fight. You might be making your biggest mistake if you don’t fight and will regret it for the rest of your life. Whilst fighting you might come to a point where you realize it is not worth fighting for anymore but fight you must if only to find that out.
Secondly, two years ago, we were in a very tough spot. I didn’t know whether to turn left or right, go on or stop or turn around. So what does not come across very well is that Benjamin can be the sweetest man alive. He can be everything, believe me. We were just at our worst. Both of us.
I don’t want to tell you whether we are still together or not. That wouldn’t be fair. But I know he is one of those people I will always keep close to me.
Have a look at the trailer if you like .
Recently I don’t mind looking at it so much anymore. Sometimes I even quite enjoy it. I can think back on the time and it’s interesting to see what I thought back then and what I found important. I think sometimes it’s good to look back. Maybe you can see something in yourself in the film. I am Anna , like the title suggests, is just about me and how I felt for one week in 2015. It just as easily could be about how you felt in 2015. Or right now or maybe next week.
Maybe you want to look back over your past two years. Maybe the film can help you to do so. It’s probably better to go outside and play but if you are staying in at some point this week and don’t know who to spend time with, maybe spend some time with me.
Ask Timo if you can see the film or whether it maybe is showing somewhere near you. Or just go out and play.
Much love and thanks for listening